Checking In

I feel like I’m in a constant yo-yo of good and bad. I got sick and had no appetite for about 7 solid days (a sensation I am not at all accustomed to) then I regained my appetite and have since done my very best to rid this city of all sugar, potatoes and cheese by way of consumption.

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Here I am again, checking in after weeks and weeks of being AWOL. At the urging of my Mama, my Grandmama, my Uncle Glenn (by way of Mama and Grandmama) and Christian, I’m going to write and schedule posts more often. If I make showing up a priority, it won’t become such a huge undertaking.

So, what’s been going on? The last few weeks have been kind of weird.  I feel like I’m in a constant yo-yo of good and bad. I got sick and had no appetite for about 7 solid days (a sensation I am not at all accustomed to) then I regained my appetite and have since done my very best to rid this city of all sugar, potatoes and cheese by way of consumption. I also haven’t exercised in two weeks, save for one yoga class that nearly killed me. The strange thing is that my weight’s stayed the same so, I’ve convinced myself that I’m now invincible.  (Never mind that I don’t feel great most of the time and am not taking my health into account – it’s just what’s on the scale.)

I ran an 8k a few weeks ago and finished two minutes faster than my goal! That was great! The threat of an impending rainstorm does wonders for one’s motivation.

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I’ve got a 10k this Saturday and haven’t run in almost 3 weeks. So that should be fun! I’ve got a 10 miler on the books for Memorial Day weekend (which coincides with Mama visiting me!) and another 8k in June to benefit PAWs.  (If you’d like to donate to PAWS and help save the lives of homeless pets, you can do so here. My goal is to raise $150 by race day.) There’s been talk of a half marathon but I have yet to work up the nerve to register.  We’ll see.

As far as my relationship with food goes, I often don’t feel like much has changed over the last 2 years of this journey.  I still eat past the point of being full, I still think about food way too often and I still lament the fact that I can’t go around shoveling everything I see down my throat, Cookie Monster-style. Every single day is a struggle but when I truly think about it, I can see improvements.

Every Friday, I head downtown early for an appointment. I usually stop in Protein Bar and order a chocolate protein smoothie for breakfast.  It feels like a special treat! This past Friday, I took a slightly different route to my appointment and walked past Chick-Fil-A. Without thinking twice, I headed inside to treat myself to a very different type of breakfast.  As I waited in line, I couldn’t help but curse the FDA or whoever decided that restaurants must include calorie counts on their menus.  I just couldn’t justify ordering the spicy chicken biscuit meal – I’d be blowing half of my calories for the day on one meal! I’d love to tell you that I turned around, walked out and ordered that smoothie.  But I didn’t.  Instead, I ordered the chicken minis, a small coffee and passed on the hash browns.  Sure, the chicken minis were tasty and they cost me fewer calories but I was hungry again after leaving my appointment an hour later.

I could chalk that experience up to failure or I could look at it as a baby step.  It’s so easy to get down on myself when I make poor decisions or see the scale creep back up. And it’s so hard to see how far I’ve come.  I ran across this picture recently.  It was taken 2 years ago on St. Patrick’s Day.  I remember being horrified when I saw it the first time and relieved when I found it again.  I have come a long way!

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Until Susie comes back so we can pose for the ultimate transformation Tuesday, this photo from September will have to do.

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tl;dr: Changes are taking the pace I’m going through*

*borrowed from Bowie