I mentioned in the last post that I was grieving the way I’d look on my wedding day. When September 2nd rolled around, I felt incredibly beautiful. I loved my dress, my hair, my makeup and I felt gorgeous. (Ps. I’m posting all of the pictures with the watermark because I love our photographers and I want to advertise for them as much as possible. TKL Photography, check em.)
But when we got the pictures back, I didn’t see the beautiful girl I knew that Friday. I saw double chins, doughy arms and Ursula back. I felt so embarrassed that I’d had fun and felt beautiful. There was a sense of shame and humiliation. Like, how dare I think I looked anything other than fat?
While I loved our pictures, I didn’t love myself in them. I mentioned this to someone and her response was this, “why do you believe the photos over your own happy memories?”
So I went back and looked over our photos again, this time remembering how I felt in each of them instead of focusing on my flaws. I remembered how heart-burstingly happy I was to marry the man I love, how he looked at me, how much fun our friends and family had and how we were surrounded by our nearest and dearest. And it worked! For the most part, I’m not saying I don’t still pick myself apart but now I can look at them with joy instead of shame.
I felt happy, loved and beautiful that day and I’m not going to let my low opinion of/shame in my appearance take that away!
tl;dr Quit playin’ games with my heart